I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
