In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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