It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Even my vagina gasped.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
