it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
