Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
