while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
