I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
