Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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