I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
