So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
