i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
