Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
