I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
