I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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