Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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