hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
