wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
