she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Drunk is not a location!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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