he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
