I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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