The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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