So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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