The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
