i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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