He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
