I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
