she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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