I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
