Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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