i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
