I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
