you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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