my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I just want to make out with him forever
My vagina is officially offended.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
