I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
