dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
