Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I CAN MOONWALK!
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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