I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
