dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
