You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
