apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
