I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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