Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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