So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
barbara walters just said penis...
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
