I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
