U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize