I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize