Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
