I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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