I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
