So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
