Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
