Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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