Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
