I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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