Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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