I'm lost and stupid without you.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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