My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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