the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
