she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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