what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize