I was born with a shot glass in my hand
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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