dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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