Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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