i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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