people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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