I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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