i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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