I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
