omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
