I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
